Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
Twilight Sparkle: Alright, so we all know how to do this?
Rainbow Dash: Sure, just throw a joke or remark in after each line or so off the top of your head.
Rarity: (puts on glasses) And hope to goodness that it doesn't suck.
Twilight: Okay. Let's begin.

Dragon Chronicles: Rainbow Dash
Dash: In which I realize my destiny as a Dragonborn!... I wish.
by ~cheetor-fan, Jan 10, 2013, 8:29:04 PM
Rarity: "Cheetor"?
Twilight: Probably a term for Cheetos.
Literature / Prose / Fiction / General Fiction / Short Stories

"For the last time Rainbow no!"
Rarity (Intimidating Twilight): "I do not want your Skittles!"
"But Twilight, it could help me"
Twilight: "Has me doing risky magic ever helped anypony in a fan-fic?"
"I said no!"
Dash (sings):  "And the word is no! No no no no no no no!"
Rainbow Dash frowned in disappointment,
Rarity: As opposed to the rare "frown in glee".
all she wanted Twilight to do was use her magic to make Pegasus fly better,
Twilight: Is that the name of some new flying vehicle Hasbro will come out with?
Dash: They better not make me its driver.
but according to the unicorn, "It will give ponies the wrong impression, and will be lying to everypony,"
Twilight (Twilight): "Like telling everyone in Canterlot that you're the Wonderbolts' coach."
Rarity (Rarity): "Hey!"
all she wanted to was fly around and see what some of her tricks would look like if she could fly better. 
Dash: Really?! I'ma already the fastest thing in Equestria, and I think I could "fly better"!?
Twilight: There's always room for improvement.
"Now Rainbow, I am going out to buy some more quills,
Rarity (Twilight): "My pet owl's running out of feathers."
see you tomorrow," Twilight said, she walked out of the library, not knowing that her friend had an evil grin.
Twilight (Dash): "The fool! Now all the worlds of Myst are mine! Mine!"
Dash: What?
Twilight: Obsure jokes are par for the course with these riffs. Certainly will appeal to the odd person who does get the joke.
"Good she's gone, now I can find a book that will help me," Rainbow proclaimed
Dash: This never could've been before Twilight showed me the Daring Doo series.
and began to search around the library.
Rarity: But she stayed too long, and she was locked in for the night!
30 minutes passed and Rainbow Dash was surrounded by books,
Twilight: A broken pair of reading glasses at her hooves.
Dash (Dash): *crying* "... It's not fair!"
she checked all of them, and there was nothing.
Twilight: Literally. Discord must be eating the pages again.
Many of them had tips and spells, but nothing that she wanted.
Dash: Since I don't have a unicorn horn, they weren't very useful, anyways.
"These books are useless!" Rainbow yelled
Twilight: They can't stand up at all for the work of a book fort!
and threw the book she was checking in rage,
Rarity: Breaking it's ancient spine and robbing the library of a rare jeweled copy of The Rubaiyat taken from the RMS Titanic.
*others stare at her*
Rarity: What? You guys aren't the only ones to indulge in the obscure trivia.
the book hit one of the shelves, causing a domino effect on the books on the top shelf.
Twilight: *sighs* There just aren't any good shelve ends or bookstops anymore.
The effect ended when the last book was hit and fell on her head,
Twilight: Giving her amnesia!
than to the floor open.
Rarity: I could be a grammar Nazi here, but I won't. But I will say we need an "e" here.
Dash: What's a Nazi?
Twilight: Trust me, even after reading "Cupcakes", you don't want to know.
"Ow, dumb book, I should-
Rarity: Sue it!
hey what's this?" Rainbow questioned when she saw a page on the book
Twilight: Full of tiny scribblings by someone named the Half-Blood Prince.
with some ingredients,
Rarity: A dash of flour, a spoonful of sugar...
under it were the words "fly better"
Dash: Turns out it was a recipe for fly medicine.
and her eyes beamed, she found what she was looking for,
Twilight: All thanks to books! Thanks to Daring Doo for making this possible!
she grabbed the book and flew to her home, leaving a mess and an angry unicorn.
Dash: Who had been hiding behind the bookshelves from the Evil Adult Chester since last week.
In her room, she read the ingredients for the potion.
Rarity (Dash): "Now let's see, a bottle of milk, a loaf of bread, a stick of butter... Oh darn, this is a book of ingredients for a perfect shopping list!"
"Okay, a scale of a dragon, the red of a rainbow, a tooth from a dragon, a chip from an unicorn's horn, and a claw from a dragon,"
Dash: Sounds like the average DeviantArt member's wishlist.
Rainbow scratched her head with her hoof,
Rarity: Just so you know she didn't use her shin.
she wondered why a majority of ingredients came from a dragon?
Twilight (Dash): "Maybe I should read beyond the instructions to see what this potion actually is... Nah!"
She reasoned that it was because dragons were good fliers
Rarity: Yes, just ask Spike!
and flew out of her room in search for these ingredients.
Twilight: If only she had a shop for dangerous potion ingredients she could go to.
Dash: Well, I hear that Quill & Sofa shop gets a lot of seedy visitors...
In Rainbows saddle bag,
Rarity: Was Scootaloo's head!
(others groan)
where a chip from a unicorns horn, she got it from Rarity when she accidently chipped it when she was filling her horn,
Dash: It was easy for her to get it with Rarity throwing a drama fit over it, after all.
(Rarity glares at Dash)
Dash: Hey, eye for an eye.
and a red from a rainbow, which was easy being a Pegasus and all,
Rarity: She just had to go to the rainbow factory-
Twilight: Can you two just stop this before a fight breaks out?
Rarity: Sorry, sorry.
Dash (mutters): She started it.
all she needed now where the ingredients from a dragon, and thankfully Spike was asleep.
Twilight: As simply asking him would simply be rude.
She snuck into the library into the baby dragon's room,
All: (Sing James Bond music)
Dash: Bah da da dah!
where he laid sleeping in his basket.  Rainbow quietly flew to spike,
Rarity: Flying on her tippy-tip-wings.
and got her equipment ready.
Twilight: She unpacked her chainsaw, mace, and copy of Surgery for Dummies...
With her tweezers she got a scale of spike,
Dash: He was exactly 2.7 feet, and weighted 74 pounds.
and with a claw clipper, a claw.
All (Toy Story Aliens): THE CLAAAAAW!
Now came the hardest part, getting a tooth.
Rarity: She would have to came out and wait for the Tooth Fairy to come by.
Taking out her pliers, she slowly brought it to Spikes mouth;
Dash: Suddenly, he snores and sets her on fire!
Twilight: Or sends her off to Canterlot to materialize above Princess Celestia's head.
she was sweating porously, and got hold of one of the fangs.
Dash: Then she yanked the sucker out!
"I hope the tooth pony, gives me a bit." Spike said in his sleep,
Rarity: Woah, so my joke was closer to the truth than I thought?
Dash: (sings quietly): "Take... me... home..."
Rainbow's eyes widened in disbelief,
Dash (Dash): "This is so convenient a plot turn, it smells of shoddy writing!"
she lifted the pillow and sure enough, there was a tooth.
Twilight: And a very tiny, very surprised Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson with fairy wings about to grab it.
She wiped her brow of sweat and grabbed the tooth
Rarity: With hooves?
Twilight: Really Rarity, by now, we shouldn't question how the hooves thing works.
and left a bit there, just for him.
Twilight: If this was a part of the show, the shippers would go to town on this.
She flew out of the house, her face beaming as she flew home.
Dash: Waking up everyone in the night as she flew by with her bright face.
Rainbow followed the directions,
Twilight: And somehow ended up in Rhode Island.
her eyes switching from the book to the pot that was boiling,
Rarity: Oh, don't you know a watched pot never boils?
when the recipe said that it was done,
Rarity (Recipe): "Take my word for it, it's safe to drink!"
she smiled and pored some of the content into a glass.
Dash (Dash): "I may be drinking this to illegally enhance my skills and accidentally getting myself into a situation that will have unforeseen consequences, but that doesn't mean I can't be formal while doing it!"
The liquid was green and had yellow steam coming out of it,
Twilight: Mountain Dew!
and it had the smell of cinnamon buns for some odd reason.
Dash: Okay, we all can see what's coming involves dragons a whole lot, so can we try to figure out why it would logically have that smell?
Rarity (holds  hoof to chin): Hmmm. Maybe cinnamon's hot in large amounts? Might be why people can't handle swallowing a spoonful of it.
Twilight: I think that's it spice level or something.
Rainbow took the glass, and drank up the liquid,
Rarity: As drinking down was a bit impossible.
when she was done, she put the glass down and wiped her mouth, surprisingly, it didn't taste bad,
Twilight: Oh c'mon, that breaks an important rule in medicine! Much less potions in fantasy settings.
in fact it tasted like lemonade.
Dash (Dash): "Say, I could make a killing selling this at a stand!"
She smiled and thought of getting something to eat,
Rarity: "I could really go for some cupcakes right about now."
Twilight: *ahem*
Dash: It's okay, I though that was pretty well-timed myself.
maybe a ruby or a sapphire.
Dash: Twilight, do we eat those normally? You said you were looking forward to that gem cake Spike wanted to make in the pet episode.
Twilight: I'm guessing I was just sympathizing with him.
Rarity: Or maybe that kind of cakes grinds them down to an edible state. Or something.
Her eyes widened when that thought came to mind,
Twilight (Dash): "Rubies & sapphires? Crap, I left Rarity with the Diamond Dogs when I was collecting her horn chip!"
only dragons ate gems, so why was she craving them?
Rarity: Oh, she's just feeling adventurous about mixing up her diet.
Then suddenly, as if she was struck by lightning,
Dash: Poof! She was a young filly in a cardboard box on a sidewalk!
she became stiff
Dash: She's being petrified! Quick, get Fluttershy & her Stare!
and felt pain all over her body.
Twilight: Pain & Extreme Bodily Changes: A classic & realistic combination.
"What is happing?" she asked herself in her head,
Rarity: "Happing?" Is that a new dance craze?
Twilight: I think that's just a typo, Rarity.
Dash: Oh, let's have fun with it anyways. Move over, Harlem Shake, there's a new fad in town!
her teeth clenched and her eyes closed tight,
Twilight: And her mane & tail lit up in fury!
she felt extreme pain in her wings as her feathers fell off and leather like skin replaced her fur,
Dash: (groans) And this is the part where I start to rub my own body parts in pity. Ehhhh.
Rarity: Relax, darling. We're here to suffer with you.
as four bony appendages grew out,
Twilight: Doesn't her wings have small appendages already? That couldn't have been one feather caught under that rock in the Tank episode.
as the same leather like skin stretched with it, giving her dragon wings.
Rarity: Eh, not really that drastic at this point. Aren't there a bunch of OC ponies with dragon wings?
Dash: With that Pony Maker on DeviantArt, there undoubtedly is.
She managed to open her eyes and look at the wings in shock;
Dash: "Awesome! Wait, I should be saving that for the end when I somehow come to accept & enjoy this."
Rarity: What?
Dash: Oh, sorry, don't really want to reference that I've read this already. Or any of the others.
Twilight: Others?
this was not suppose to happen.
Rarity: "The book's description that I didn't read clearly said this wouldn't happen!"
She painfully walked up to the book and read the title;
Dash: "How To Cater to The Weird Part of the Internet"
fear plastered her face as she read it "Dragon Potion".
Dash: There was nothing more frightful as reading a book to her own face!
Twilight: Wait, an entire book is dedicated to just ONE potion?!
Rarity: ...Maybe it has a long history? (shrugs)
She backed away as her rainbow tail fell off
Rarity: CLUNK!
Twilight: Now that's just inefficient use of body resources, her tail clearly was enough of an appendage to be easily converted.
Dash: Why do you care about that?
Twilight: It's technically an arguable logical fault, and we are obligated to point those out as well.
and her spine grew, and getting covered with muscles,
Dash: With the help of a grueling exercise routine.
nerves, blood vessels, and finally, blue scales.
Rarity: Perfect for measuring mass in all factors of grams.
She didn't make a potion that helped her fly better; she made one that was turning her into a dragon.
All: No beans, Sherlock!
Dash: ... Doesn't really sound the same family-friendly.
But why should she be scared, dragons are more powerful than those puny ponies.
Twilight: AND we see that Stockholm Syndrome is among this potion's many side effects.
She shook her head when those thoughts came to her,
Rarity: And so do we.
(All three shake their heads disapprovingly)
she needed to get Twilight and have her stop this.
Twilight: Because when magic goes wrong, it's always comes back to get me involved somehow.
She ran out of the door and flew through the air, her wings held out to help her glide.
Rarity: But no good at flapping, being made of solid plastic.
Rainbow flew as fast as she could,
Dash: Which is pretty darn fast, If I say so myself.
but because her house was so far away, it would take her forever,
Twilight: But I guess in this story, you fly at the speed of plot.
it also didn't help that she felt pain again and was forced to land.
Twilight: The Vuuzhan Vong would consider her such a wimp.
Her breathes were getting shallow
Rarity: The water less deep there.
as her back hooves painfully morphed into clawed feet and her legs were bulging with muscles
Dash: Why? Because why not?! Transformations are the one way to great muscles, I tell ya what!
and covered in cyan scales,
Dash: Looking out of place next to her blue ones.
Rarity: Cyan is a shade of blue, darling.
Dash: Oh.
she sat on her hunches as her for hooves morphed into clawed hands,
Twilight (Stan Lee): Lyra's Hand-Sense is tingling!
and her forelegs reshaped themselves into arms.
Rarity: Too bad they didn't bend upwards like normal arms, though.
Tears were welling up in her eyes,
Twilight: Don't you mean "liquid pride"?
but was interrupted when she grabbed her head,
Rarity: Which had fallen off her neck.
her muzzle grew longer and her teeth were replaced with sharper ones,
Twilight (Mr. Fleeco): "Hello, Fleeco?"
Dash (Dash): "Sir, I need my teeth replaced with sharper ones, and fast!"
her pupil became a slit and her tongue became forked.
Rarity: What lizard doesn't have those, anyways?
She looked at herself and smiled.
Twilight: "Well, at least I'm not a wyvren."
"I am looking better than ever," She said,
Rarity: Only by certain standards, darling.
she shook her head to get rid of the thoughts,
Dash: And jostle them out her ear.
but they were getting stronger, and harder to resist.
Twilight: Do not try to say dragons are not 100% awesome! The internet will never allow it!
Her mane fell out
Rarity: CLUNK!
as her neck stretched,
Dash: Like a rubber band.
her entire body became covered in cyan scales,
Twilight: (Hums Cyan Worlds theme)
and her muscles bulged.
Dash: Dragons without big, strong muscles? Pfft, you must be new here.
From her head to her tail, she grew spines that were multi-coloured
Twilight: Orange & Grey!
Rarity: White & Gold!
Dash: Pink & Lime!
and in the order red, orange, yellow, green, indigo, violet.
Twilight: Are indigo & violet even that significantly different shades of purple?
Rarity: In my line of work, yes.
Rainbow looked at her body,
Dash (Dash): "Well, so much for fitting in my Grand Galloping Gala dress ever again."
hoping that it was the end, but it was not
Rarity: Merely the beginning of the end.
Twilight: The giant grasshoppers would be along shortly.
as she began to grow in size, and she smiled.
Twilight: Soon she would be able to enact all her Godzilla fantasies!
"Yesss, turn me into a real dragon," she hissed,
Rarity: She didn't really have a problem with S's, but reptiles are contractually obligated not to speak anything English without the S hiss.
she stopped growing when she was over 50 feet tall.
Twilight: Ready to challenge the 50-Foot Woman.
Dash: Or the 49-1/2-Foot one.
Her mind has also changed,
Twilight: Deciding that Stephanie Meyer really wasn't all that bad.
but she was Rainbow Dash,
Dash: (stands up) I am Rainbow Dash!
Twilight: (stands up) I am Rainbow Dash!
Rarity: (stands up) I'm Rainbow Dash, and so's my wife!
only now she thought of dragons being superior to ponies.
Dash: *frustrated* Sure, why not?! Being several times larger than anything pony civilization can hold, being ostracized from friends and family, and NOT contributing to the weather or other parts of the balance of nature has gotta be better than your old life!
Rarity: I keep getting this nagging thought about what's going to happen with her being the bearer of Loyalty now.
Twilight: I suppose in the author's mind, it's still works out somehow. And the necklace is one-size fits-all.
She looked over her body and noticed that it was still sleek,
Rarity: Even with all that POWERFUL MUSCLE?
and her wings were quite larger, making her still the fastest thing in Equestria,
Twilight: I would have questions about how weight & size would more logically affect speed, but I won't anger the dragon fanboys.
but she wanted to test it out.
Dash: (dramatic voice) Tonight, on Mythbusters...
Giving her new wings some flaps,
Twilight: To be controlled by hydraulic systems in the cockpit.
she got into the air, and flew off as fast as she can;
Rarity: Grammar alert!
Twilight: Oh, just let it go and make a Gingerbread Man joke.
she did some aerials, and some tricks, and noticed that her new body was not only easier to control, but faster.
Twilight (sarcastic): Uh huh.
Rarity (condescending): Of course.
Dash: Sure, but can she still do the Happing as good as before?
She landed on the ground and folded her wings.
Rarity: Into a paper crane.
"This is great, and my friends will also enjoy it to," she thought to herself,
Twilight: Because of the effect the transformation has on the mind, they literally cannot react with anything other than enjoyment! 
but realized that she couldn't make them drink the potion,
Rarity: Because that would just be rude.
so how was she going to spread her gift.
Rarity: "Hmmmmm. Okay, first I'm gonna need 10 tons of wrapping paper."
She got an idea and flew to her house, knowing that she couldn't live there anymore,
Dash: The rent being too darn high nowadays.
ripped off the roof and gently picked up the book, squinting her eyes,
Twilight (Dash): "Too bad this transformation didn't automatically improve my eyesight over everyone else. I really need some new reading glasses for this." 
she read something that made her smile,
Rarity: An entire chapter full of fantastic of dragon jokes!
if she got her saliva on anypony, they would become dragons.
All: Ewwwwww!
Rarity (disgusted): *puts hoof to her head* Now that's just horrendous! And gross!
Her smile widened
Twilight (Boris Karloff): "And the dragon got an idea. An awful idea. The dragon got a wonderful, awful idea."
as she put the book back
Dash: To the future!
and flew off to Ponyville, ready to spread her gift.
Twilight: Yes, well, "One mare's 'gift' is another mare's 'horrible experience'."
Rarity: But Twilight, shouldn't we never "look a gift horse in the mouth"?
Dash: More like "look a gift dragon in the mouth. And get covered in its saliva."
Rarity: Eck! That's still horrendous!
[link]

Behold, my first ever Fan-Ficiton riff!

This was pretty fun to write, and a little tiring to touch up, glad that I got it out, though. I'm more or less happy with the jokes, and I'm hoping I can do something more, though my enthusiasm is a little less than it was when I started this.

I'm relieved the original writer, Cheetor-fan, was willing to go along with me doing this. Check out his profile if you want to see his stuff for yourself: [link] Hope you like the final product.

Thanks to MST3K and the Film Crew for inspiring my style here.
:iconhamcon:
hamcon Featured By Owner May 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
When is part 3 coming out?
Reply
:iconandrewnuva199:
Andrewnuva199 Featured By Owner May 10, 2013
Lack of interest is killing my motivation. I'm glad you're interested, but I don't think doing MSTs of the very author of the works I'm poking fun at is the best strategy for writing.

I'm making a note to try and possilby show this off to other MSTing authors and see if I gain interest and/or advice there.
Reply
:iconhamcon:
hamcon Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I hope you do the rest.
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconandrewnuva199: More from Andrewnuva199




Details

Submitted on
March 11, 2013
Submitted with
Sta.sh Writer
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
737
Favourites
3 (who?)
Comments
3
×